When greeting a mourner, most people say something like, “I’m sorry for your loss.” This is like what is in the middle of a bagel. It is cliché. They will respond with a smile and a thank you, to make you feel better for your lack of originality. So what should you say?

Your words should make them feel warm inside, so they can appreciate what they have instead of what they have lost. That’s not easy, as they are suffering and feel distressed—even if it doesn’t show.

One way to do this is to make them laugh, or at least make them smile. This will ease their anguish, as you will remind them of the joy which is found in life.

Or give them words of strength and praise, to help them accept the pain of grief. Let them understand their loss is not a personal affliction against them, and to be thankful for the life to come. That way, if they feel they are being punished, they will at least sense some justification. It will help them find acceptance, feel better about themselves, and have a quicker recovery from their mourning.

Accomplish this and you will have done a very good deed, as this will make both your spirits smile.